Things Are Going to be Weird Around Here

for a while, so bear with me.

My mother has either been diagnosed with cancer, or a tumor, or something. It depends on who you talk to, what sort of mood they are in, and whether or not they have taken their medication.

I wish I was trying to be funny, but I'm not.

This is typical of my family, and one of the reasons why I have avoided them for years.

What I know is that she has a large tumor in her abdomen; it makes her appear to be seven months pregnant.

She goes in for some type of surgery Tuesday, including a hysterectomy which she claimed to have had several years ago amid much drama, and a colonostomy (?).

My aunt also remembers the alleged hysterectomy drama.

My mother, when pressed, says she thought they gave her a hysterectomy, and indignantly wonders what they thought they were doing in there. I assume "they" are actual doctors, and no alien abduction was involved, although I am starting to wonder.

She -- my mother -- is a devout Jehovah's Witness, and refuses to accept any type of blood or blood product during the surgery.

She is very happy because she copied a phone number from TV about how to fight cancer using "normal" methods.

My brother has taken on the personality of my father, and uses the same emotionally bullying approach I associated with my father, which makes me want to scream.

My mother keeps referring to him as her "precious baby boy," which I find disturbing on so many levels.

There's a lot to the story.

My advice is to run, but feel free to stay tuned.