I Am . . .

. . . very, very bad.

I cross my sevens and "Z"s.

I was taught to do this in school, and The Boy has picked it up. I have to send a note explaining why I do this by Friday.

I don't have any idea why I do this -- only that I must or civilization will come to an end. Any ideas that do not involve snarking about the pettiness of the public school system?

The Boy has learned to use an industrial strength dictionary to defend his pronunciation of the word "often" as "off-en," rather than the preferred "off-tin." From his teacher, no less.

My advice to parents everywhere is to find out why your child wants to know why accepted regional mispronounciation is unacceptable in his/her vocabulary before using phrases like "ignorant" and "uneducated," as your comments may be directed to an educator who will also not appreciate introducing Reader Rabbit First Grade to the class only to be informed that it is, in fact, a "baby game" that someone played years ago, particularly when someone goes on to blast through the entire disk with sarcastic asides. Do not give your child the skills to look a teacher in the eye and declare, "Duh! It runs on Windows 95 -- you have to use the Compatibility Wizard."

Proud as you may be, your child will be in trouble.

You will be, too.

Which is why you will have to write notes to the teacher explaining why you write and talk funny.

** sigh **